Prius Voted Sexiest Car Of The Year!

25 Feb
What oozes sex and status like The Green Dad Mobile? Don't answer that.

What oozes sex and status like The Green Dad Mobile? Don’t answer that.

We tallied one vote here at Green Dad HQ, yup, and the Toyota Prius has won ‘Sexiest Car Of The Year’ for yet another year (cue the confetti cannons)!

My Prius just turned 200,000 miles and I’ve got to say, what the ride lacks in sassiness, it makes up for in all other areas.  I’ve never had a car pass 100k, yet alone 200k, and the other cars I’ve had, well (Camaro cough!), didn’t exactly get good gas mileage.

But hey, I grew up when oil was sustainable!  There was enough for US, so who cared where it was coming from?  A ten spot would fill your tank, a fiver would get you where you had to go, and even 2 bucks in the tank could get you out of the house with your buddies/girl for the night.

Flash forward to today.  The days of ‘Prius Bashing’.

I can take a joke.  I like my comedy smarmy.  I enjoy smart humor over the ‘dick joke’ anytime.  You can even call me a hippy in context and I will chortle along with you.

But really, I didn’t realize how deep the Prius resentment could be.

I first ran across it a couple years ago.  Here’s the cast of characters: Me; after getting home at 3:30am from a gig in Boston, up early and bleary-eyed Sunday morning and heading to do 3 hours of outreach for a water conservation group.  The Woman;  tailgating she-monster in a BMW SUV, rushing to make somebody miserable somewhere.

The scene; I’d just pulled onto the main road, warm coffee between legs, wondering how on earth these save the earth gigs always fall after a late late night.  Suddenly in the rear view, what seems to be a vehicle cruising at UFO Speed, arrived on my bumper.

Perhaps I was moving a bit slower than I was just 5 hours earlier, escaping the club kid laden streets of the city, just wanting to get home to warm beddie-bye.  BUT, I certainly didn’t cut anybody off.  This she-beast was obviously in a hurry (church maybe), and started to make the OH MY GOD gestures, pounding her steering wheel etc. I enjoyed the show in the rear view.

Again, it’s Sunday morning. 8:30 am. No cars on the road.

We come to a light, and I pull to the right lane, to let Ms. Andretti have the pole position (probably not the first time, ha!).  She of course races up to my left, and down goes the passenger side window.

Me thinks the fare maiden has a message for me!

She speaks.  “Nice move asshole, you and your… your… fucking Prius!”

Wow!  Really?  This is happening?

If you know me, you’d be surprised to know that I took the high road (maybe it was the 4.5 hours of sleep).  At the same time she was f-bombing me (on the sabbath!), I noticed the kid seat in the back.  I gave her my best sarcastic smile and matching tone and replied “Nice language… mom!”.

That’s when, I believe, she remembered not only was she mommy (poor kid), but said kid was IN THE CAR!

Nice show mom lady!!  Good morning!

I sipped my coffee, and as the light turned green, she sped off in a huff.  I’m sure she had a wonderful day ahead of her, starring in her role as idiot person.

I had two takeaways from the event.  1. What did the Prius have to do with it?  Would she have been so brazen and nasty if I was in a pickup truck with an NRA sticker in the window?  And 2. Did she really just road rage at a random guy, with no one else around, with her kid in the car?

What if I weren’t kindly Prius driver?  What if I were insane?  Or drunk?  Or coming off a drug bender?  Or a really bad man?  What if I decided I liked her BMW and followed her home to take it? What if I figured the lady had money, followed her home, then returned later to rob her home?

You get my drift.

So I surmised #3, that Prius owners are considered safe, unthreatening people.  I’ll remember than if blogging goes south and I decide to enter a life of crime.  Look here Ed, the guy drives a Prius, we can scratch him off the suspect list.

But besides the run in with SUV-ASS, I’d never been victim of Prius Bashing.  Not to my face anyway. And then just this week, I saw it again on Facebook.

The long story short is, while a friend made fun of Hot Pockets and the tainted meat scandal, a bunch of us joined in on the who the hell still eats these things anyway wagon. Good fun.

But then enter Hot Pocket Defending Guy, who decided we were all elitist organic food eaters, and we shouldn’t be ‘so Prius about it’.

Prius as adjective?  This was news to me.  But I kindly stayed away from the comment, showing some web-iquette, cause I didn’t know who was who in this comment section, and didn’t want to ruffle the feathers of a friend of a friend.

But once this person posted ‘studies show that Prius owners think they’re better than everybody else’, well, I jumped in like a crooked politician on a fracking venture.

Please oh defender of the Hot Pocket lifestyle, bring-eth me your studies!!

And after a awhile (I pictured a guy sweating, typing oh so quickly to find that one thing he remembered that maybe he read but now really had to find cause somebody called him on it), he found it.

It was a 7 year old article from a San Francisco community paper, that indeed talked all about how pious Prius owners were, and that a marketing company had deemed that over 50% of the people who bought a Prius did so because…. get ready for the horror… “”it makes a statement about them.”

Well heck, I’m convinced!!  Thanks for the in depth study of the psyche of the hybrid owner.  I can see myself now as the status seeking d-bag I am.

Wait. Just. One. Minute.

Why do people buy ANY car?  Yes, some people need a car to get to point A (work) to point B (other work) to point C (home).  But I’d guess MOST cars on the road are purchased because they look cool, or make a statement (I’ll refrain from crowdfunding a peer related study on this).

I’m sure the luxury cars, Mercedes, BMW, Porshe, Escalade types, are super fun to drive and perform well, but c’mon, talk about STATEMENT purchases!

Same guy went on to backtrack that I wasn’t smug, but many Prius drivers are, and that it was part of the wealthy/organic life.  Man, he nailed me.  I’m writing this in Bali, munching on fair-trade Snakeskin Fruit, feet being rubbed by a local.  Sometimes I like to bounce the pits off their heads, just so they understand I AM WEALTHY!

Booo. Hisssss. C’mon man. Saving money on GAS, saves me money to buy more organic food!  That makes me smug?  Ummmm… the word I would use is frugal.

200,000 miles divided by 50 mpg (easy number, I’m a writer not a math guy) = 4000 gallons of gas used.  4000 gallons x $3 a gallon = $12,000 I spent to go 200,000 miles.

Compare to a car that gets good gas mileage, let’s say 30 mpg. 200,000/30 = 6666 gallons x $3 = $20,000 to go the same distance.

Compare now to most cars out there that average 17 mpg.  200,000/17 = 11764 gallonsx $3 = $35,392!

Golly, how can I afford those organic apples?  Oh, by saving $23,000 (thousand!!!) over 200k miles! Wow, I am a smug SOB.

Somewhere along the line the hippies, the tree huggers, the greenies, the environmentalists, have become targets.  And I get it.  Evil marketing 101 at it’s finest.  Make this group look elitist when needed, make this group look weak when needed, make this group look smug when needed, just make them look different, and we the corporations can keep eating up the resources and selling our products to those who just want to fit in.

Puke.

You know why my Prius is sexy? Cause I’m in it!!!

HAHAHA….. oh man, now THAT was smug.

 

 

PS- Steve Jones of The Sex Pistols drives a Prius. So there!

 

 

 

One Response to “Prius Voted Sexiest Car Of The Year!”

  1. danwat1234 February 26, 2014 at 1:33 am #

    Nice blog post. I often go about the internet and happen to find an anti-hybrid / anti-EV post and I have to refute their ‘facts’, it’s never ending. Oh yeah sure, a hummer is greener than a Prius, NOT!

Leave a Reply